I asked my sister to take me to the hospital because I could not eat and felt really ill.  She took me to Care Resource.  The doctor ran labs and to my surprise it wasn't the flu, I was diagnosed with herpes and chlamydia.  I could not believe I was going through this, I did not want to get tested for HIV because I was afraid of the results and so I didn't.

Life went one for about another year.  I worked and took care of my child and that's all I did.  In November 2011 I felt a bump in the back of my neck, it turned out to be a swollen lymph node.  I went to the doctor's to have it checked out and somehow got the courage to be tested for HIV.

One week later, I received the call.  It was my doctor asking me to come in right away; somehow, I knew that the news was not going to be pleasant.  I walked in to my doctors appointment and I was given the results.  HIV POSITIVE.  I was in a state of shock, could not believe the news and broke out in tears.  The first thing I thought about was my child.  "Am I going to die? was the first question I asked." The doctor went through the process of getting a 2nd test to confirm the results and treatment if needed.

Second results came in and same news.  HIV POSITIVE.  I am 23 years old, single mom of a 2 year old daughter.   I constantly worry, feel guilty and heart broken when I lay next to my 2 year old at night and think about what I've done.  I think about that night when I could have jumped off the bed and told him to get off when he removed his condom.  Yes, I still feel very guilty about that night because I trusted him.

I have a few friends and family members that know and have been very supportive and have kept me somewhat positive.  I have been under Care Resource’s treatment for almost one year now.  So far, my viral load is undetectable and my CD4 Count is above 600.  Today, I saw my doctor and he said that all looks good.  The only thing he noticed was that there is a tiny percentage that came back in my blood related to my liver.  This is not what I wanted to hear.  The doctor said that it's nothing to be alarmed about and I should retest in 3 weeks for my liver and see if maybe this tiny percentage disappears, if not, we'll have to keep a close eye on this. 

Once again, the feelings of dying have come to mind.   At some point in the near future, I will begin anti-viral medication.  The meds are supposed to keep the HIV under control.  Care Resource will work with me to make sure I will have access to this life-saving medication and help me pay for it.  Thank God.

Since my diagnosis, I have tried to remain positive and hopeful that someday soon, a cure will come; not just for me, but for all those living with this disease.

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